


Give Me Release

by beautifulnow



Category: Electronic Dance Music RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Porn, Emotional Sex, M/M, Porton, and also language, brief mentions of skrillex, happy ending ??, it might still hurt though, kind of.., tbh theres small amounts of fluff in the beginning, this was low key inspired by without you by dillon francis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 07:25:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13736013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifulnow/pseuds/beautifulnow
Summary: They stayed like this, a moment of clarity and release and when the sun began to set they quietly changed back into their clothes.





	Give Me Release

**Author's Note:**

> shouts out to the lovely tastefullytightpants on here for editing this for me ILY! <3

Porter remembers a love so strong that it consumed him to his core, in the most delicate way. He was eighteen with an amazing opportunity to tour for his music and he would've been a fool to pass it up. He remembers the first day, palms sweaty, meeting the two guys he’d be living with for the next couple of months. It was all a blur until he looked into the most beautiful pair of green eyes and shakily shook the hand of their owner. They had talked before but Porter never expected to feel so perplexed once he was in front of him. He blamed it on the first day jitters, but that feeling didn't go away the next day, nor the day after that, hell not even the week after that.

Sonny caught wind of that of course and took matters into his own hands. He pulled Porter aside one day and told that Anton was possibly into him. Porter took that as a green light and spent a week trying to build up the confidence to bring it up to the older guy. Anton beat him to it though, despite being the shyer of the two. He waited until after their show when they were both a little tipsy, small flirtatious comments leaving both of them, and Anton couldn't take it anymore and blurted out his feelings. Porter remembers his flushed cheeks and the nervous, almost embarrassed, look on his face. He put his forehead against Anton’s, whispering his response.

“I like you too,” was the last thing spoken before their lips brushed against each other, all their emotions fueling a soft yet passionate first kiss. 

The rest of the tour was full of nothing but happiness for the two, with soft giggles leaving whoever's bunk they decided to share that night, and delicate touches were never more than an inch away. They were inseparable. Tour eventually came to an end, Anton going back to Germany, Porter back to North Carolina. Both of them were working tirelessly on their highly anticipated debut albums.The separation was tough at first, from spending every waking hour together to nothing at all was hard on both of them, but they talked every day despite the time difference. They would skype as much as possible, some calls being dirtier than others keeping their love at bay. 

Porter remembers that year as one of his best. 

He remembers Anton surprising him on Christmas with a song he’d been working on and the rush he felt when he heard it, the beautiful melody was enough to give him chills but nothing compared to the way he felt when he heard the lyrics. It was Anton’s way of professing the way he felt for Porter. 

He would never forget the eruption of feelings he got when Anton whispered “you’re my clarity,” over the phone.

They did another tour together after that with endless sleepless nights and adventures in whatever city they were in. They were so in love. Inseparable was the best way to describe the duo, but of course, eventually, life got in the way and their careers skyrocketed. Porter isn't resentful of it though, he knows it's what both he and Anton dreamed of. Their last night together before Anton went on his first world tour was an emotional one. Porter remembers hugging Anton so tight, afraid that letting go would be the end. Anton was shaky in his arms, sobbing into the younger guys neck, promising him that he'd call him as often as possible. 

Anton kept his promise, calling every day; but it proved difficult once he started the European leg of his tour, and their daily phone calls became every other day, and once a week became every other week. 

When they did talk the calls were always quick and to the point, only leaving room for small talk, and each ‘I love you’ and ‘I miss you’ felt like more of a habit with no substance at times. It was easier when they had breaks and were able to spend some alone time at one another's homes, but it was so rare they got the chance, and even then it ended up in arguments about their lack of talking. 

Porter takes a deep breath bringing himself back to reality. Today was one of those rare chances, he was currently flying to LA for a show and he felt nervous, the anxiety increasing within him when he thought of what awaited him once he landed. It's been four months this time; they keep missing each other. With Porter on tour and Anton working on his second album, things were hectic for the both of them.

The doorbell echoed throughout the house. Anton made his way to the door, wiping his sweaty hands on his jeans, taking a deep breath to brace himself for what was next. He turned the knob opening the door slowly, and there he was. Anton didn't hesitate to hug him, burying his face in the crook of Porter’s neck, inhaling his scent. It wasn't what he remembered but that was okay. 

Anton lets Porter in after they let go. The atmosphere is almost awkward, but not quite. 

They spend the next hour catching up like old friends and it feels nice. For a moment every worry is forgotten and they're telling each other stories of their mutual friends and they're laughing. But deep down, of course, they both know there's an underlying issue. 

They wound up in Anton’s bedroom after he began showing Porter around, realizing he hadn't even seen his new place. Porter walks to Anton’s nightstand, seeing a framed picture of him looking into the camera while seated on Anton’s lap, both of them in different colored flannels. He smiles at the memory. 

“That feels like forever ago.” Anton says from behind him. 

“Yeah.” Porter replies setting the frame back down and turning around to look at Anton. “We were so in love,” he says with a desolate laugh.

“We were.” Anton says beaming at Porter. “Everything was so much more simple then. I miss that sometimes you know?”

Porter nods in agreement. He and Anton were young and in love, their life falling into place perfectly it seemed. So much has changed since then. He misses the way their relationship used to be.

“So do I.” He misses the sentiment of it all. The feeling he'd get when he saw his lover after days of being apart, the warmth he'd feel when they touched, the love that was shared when they kissed. He wants to feel that again. 

He inches closer to Anton, placing his hand on his cheek, looking him in the eyes. It's the closest they've been in months. The fact that it took them this long to even be this close was Porter’s give away that it was over, but he still wanted to try at least. 

Anton doesn't say anything, only looks Porter in the eye, trying to figure out what he's thinking. It doesn't take long for him to realize what Porter was getting ready to do. His eyes close and he leans closer until their lips meet and it's a familiar feeling, one that feels like a warm summer night - nostalgic almost - but there's something not quite right. The spark is gone. 

Anton has known it for a while, each time they would go months apart and then find themselves in a random city or country that somehow coordinated with their schedules, the light behind it all felt fainter and fainter. He doesn't remember the last time he felt it if he's honest, probably left behind in the back of a dressing room he'll never see again, and he thinks Porter feels the same.

Porter tightens his grip on Anton’s face, still gentle but just enough pressure to let him know he doesn't want to let go just yet. Their kiss is warm and desperate, trying to grasp a sensation that cannot be found. 

Porter moves them towards the bed a few steps behind them, and the back of Anton’s knees come in contact with the edge of the mattress, causing him to fall back on it. He grabs onto Porter’s slim waist, bringing him down with him.

Porter pulls away, adjusting his lover and himself on the bed. He pecks Anton’s lips once, before moving towards his jawline, leaving kisses along it until he reaches the end of his jaw right, where his neck begins and leaves a small kiss before lightly sucking on the area. He remembers how much Anton loved that and wondered if he still did. His question was answered when Anton, of course, let out a quiet whine of approval. Porter pulls away after he leaves a small mark; not too harsh but still faintly there. He momentarily kisses Anton’s soft lips before edging at the older man's shirt, trying to get it off. Anton helps him and removes his shirt completely. Porter follows suit.

Anton swallows at the sight. It's been months since he's seen his lover like this, flustered, his naked upper body hovering above Anton. A feeling of despair hits him suddenly and his feelings bundle up into words. “I'll miss this,” he says in a melancholic tone. 

Porter just smiles softly knowing exactly what Anton means. He leans in kissing Anton below his ear before whispering, “I will too.”

It doesn't take long for things to progress after that, both of them completely naked now, with Porter sitting on his knees while Anton is positioned on his back, his legs open against his chest. Porter opens the bottle of lube Anton handed him from the nightstand and begins pouring it around the rim of Anton’s hole. Anton shivers beneath him as he inserts his middle finger into Anton ever so slowly, getting Anton used to the sensation. Anton groans at the feeling of pleasure fulfilling him. Porter then inserts a second finger wanting to please Anton as best he could as he thrusts them in and out of his hole, scissoring it open. Anton’s moans fill the room and Porter almost forgot how amazing Anton looked, flustered and mumbling out curse words. He couldn't wait to fill him all the way and hear his sweet, pleading moans fill the room. 

He pulls his fingers out to gather more before lube going back in with three fingers this time, trying to get Anton prepped well so could be as comfortable as possible.

“I-I'm ready,” Anton mumbles out after a while with a shaky breath.

Porter takes that as his opportunity to lean back over the bed and get a condom from his pants pocket. Once retrieved, he opens the package with his teeth, ignoring the nasty sandy taste it leaves in his mouth. He begins rolling the condom down his cock, all the way down to his base. He makes sure to apply some extra lube along himself and Anton’s rim. Anton brings his legs up again, all the way up to his chest, giving Porter better access to him. Porter aligns his cock with Anton’s hole slowly inserting himself, getting them both used to the feeling of being close again. 

He thrusts in slow and steady, both men savoring it. Anton wraps his arms around Porter’s neck to bring him closer, pulling him into a kiss that feels passionate yet idle. There is no sense of lust or love in the air, it's all dominated by a feeling of necessary release. Porter continues fucking into Anton, his pace picking up and causing their breathing to become heavy. 

Porter finds Anton’s spot and thrusts into it, enjoying the feeling of Anton clenching around him while they both let out breathy groans. Anton basks in all the pleasure he's receiving, as his prostate get hit repeatedly, it feels so good. Anton feels cum already leaking from his erect cock and reaches down, wrapping his hand around it and begins to pleasure himself to the feeling of Porter filling him completely. 

Porter pushes his fringe back, it hitting his face as he thrusts into Anton harder, he's so close now he feels the build up in his stomach. He almost doesn't want it to end but it begins to be too much with Anton’s hole clenching, feeling so tight around his cock. He looks at Anton before groaning out a moan. He leans forward, pressing his sweaty forehead against Anton’s, kissing him out of habit right as he releases into the condom while still thrusting into him but much more sloppily. Anton follows not long after, not being able to handle the sweet feeling of having Porter finish inside him. He comes all over his hand and in between their stomachs, leaving them sticky but neither care as they try to catch their breath. Porter slowly pulls out his cock, sensitive from Anton’s tightening hole. Anton puts his legs down, catching his breath. He feels like jelly and his muscles ache. Porter removes the condom, tying it up and tossing it in the trash that was conveniently placed beside the bed. 

He joins Anton after that, and they both lay in silence as Anton cuddles into Porter, laying his head on his chest, listening to the slowing beat of his heart. Porter wraps his arm around Anton, holding him there, despite being sweaty and sticky with cum that's slowly drying on their bodies. 

Suddenly he hears Anton sniffle, he doesn't think anything of it at first, but then he feels something warm hit his chest. He’s crying. 

“It's not the same,” Anton says, his voice full of sorrow. Porter swallows, his throat feels as if it's closing in and it hurts. Although vague, he knows exactly what Anton means. It wasn't the same, and it hadn't been for a while.

You see the funny thing about life is you build many relationships over the course of your life, some more significant than others but none of them are guaranteed a forever. He knew this of course, but it doesn't ease the pain of knowing there's nothing he can do anymore, nothing either of them can do. Growing apart is inevitable, sometimes it occurs as a strange string of events that you never see coming. It creeps up on you, slowly diminishing the strong bond with time, breaking away so quietly you barely notice. 

“I-I know.” Porter finally speaks he doesn't know what else to say. He takes a moment to compile his thoughts and put them into words. He was never good at this, never good at expressing his feelings out loud. He could only ever do that through his music. Anton was always the more emotional of the two, an open book, easy to read; but he didn't say another word. Only weeping breaths he was trying to keep under control.

“It's okay, you know? It's okay to let go. My love for you is still there its just...it's just a bit different but that doesn't mean I don't care about you anymore.” Porter reached down to lift Anton’s face. His eyes were shiny with tears as he looked up at Porter, wiping away his own tears. 

“Porter.” Anton reached up his right hand, grasping Porter’s jaw, rubbing his thumb against it. “Thank you.” He tilted his head up, kissing Porter’s chin, then wrapping his arm around his neck and burying his face in it.

“Thank you,” he said again this time in a whisper. Porter didn't say anything, just let the older guy hug him, but he held on just as tight. They stayed like this, a moment of clarity and release. When the sun began to set they quietly changed back into their clothes. Anton watched Porter drive away through his bedroom window, the sun hardly visible at this point hidden behind a hill, the same hill that Porter drove to until he was no longer visible; and when all that was left was a star filled sky, he smiled, he felt content.

**Author's Note:**

> This took me unnecessarily long to finish but I hope you guys enjoy! find me at addictedtoamemry.tumblr.com


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